also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
