i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
my nose is crying tears of wow.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
