Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
