Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
