I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
