I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
