He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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