What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
