You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
