She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
What a dumb baby whore.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
