I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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