I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
