So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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