i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
