I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
