I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
