You smell like a Billy Joel song
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
