All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
