Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
