She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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