I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
