best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
