i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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