I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
