believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize