I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
