dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
