I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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