He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
