I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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