and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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