I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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