did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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