How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
