so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
