i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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