Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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