no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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