I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
