We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
