There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize