Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
