i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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