Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize