everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
