I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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