the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
