I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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