Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
