I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
