so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
