did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
