She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
and she was petting her beer can
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Randomize
