Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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