wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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