Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
is wine microwaveable?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
