Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
