we're chasing vodka with high fives
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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