Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
