It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
