why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
