whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize