If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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