i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
