I'll bet she douches with gravy.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
