i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
