I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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