atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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