whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
