Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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