Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
