And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
