i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
