I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
