Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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