They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
