there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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