No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
