I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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