we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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