sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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