my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just want to make out with him forever
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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