You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You should frame my arrest warrant.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
