Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
