mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
