I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
