Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
