We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
