she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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