I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
