So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
