so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
