Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
