Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
