I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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