What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She bit a glass in half.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
