The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
