i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I didn't notice because vodka
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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